Day One

Friday, August 05, 2011

Just to say that I'm making a step towards my struggle with weight is enormous! I'd rather the task be enormous than my waistline and weight, however, it is what it is. I sit here, it's 12:23am on a Friday, and I know that I am only a few weeks away from feeling better. I feel okay, I'm not sick, but it's depressing to be the observer of my ballooning waistline. My scale weight hasn't changed much (I've been on three scales in six months and between them all I've gained 5.5lbs since Dec 2010) but my waist has increased in size, my back fat has doubled, my jaw line has vanished, and I don't sleep well.

I am running the risk of becoming a diabetic due to my age (47.5y) and family history. So yesterday I asked myself this, "Why are you waiting for a doctor to tell you that you have diabetes and then you MUST take insulin??" I had no answer. I drove straight to Weight Watchers (WW) and enrolled. I was informed that there was a meeting later that night, so I posted of Facebook for community accountability, called my friend to join me, and showed up an hour later for the meeting.

I must say that now that I've 'weeble-wobbled' myself into WW and had the opportunity to share my very raw and painful realizations with other friends online, I feel really good about my plan...and this is the first feeling of joy about weight loss that I've ever had.

My weight has been an issue only when I got married in 1985. I ate for comfort and out of sadness. Let's just say verbal abuse put so many holes in my Soul that after being married for nine years death was looking like a good option. I'm grateful that I sought help for that...and just like then I seek help for my current issue: my weight.

Why am I still gaining weight if I'm happy? I must not truly be happy. Catharsis is great for your Soul....I make a lot of other people happy. I feel like I'm happy, however, I must be sad somewhere in my Soul and it's showing up on my waist. I also don't move enough, drink a lot of alcohol on weekends, and my knees are in poor shape (no ACL on left, torn meniscus on right). But excuses are just that...I can move in a lot of different ways I just chose not too. Well, that has to change.

Hopefully writing down my feelings as I go along will be a great  reflective tool. I do understand that by being a Piscean, I am eager to start new projects, then I wane as time goes on. I acknowledge this and rebuke it! I will not follow the bad habits of my past by not finishing this project of my lifestyle change!!

I luv me!!